Stephen Curry Will Finally Get His F.M.V.P This Season

I have finally capitulated to the demands of the Curry Cavalry

Wardell Stephen Curry is delirious.

And it’s all your fault.

Yes, you the reader of this column who indignantly clicked on this article on your timeline because you’re thinking, “What the hell is this guy talking about?”

Well it’s time to wake up and smell the cow pie that currently is the sub .500 team called the Golden State Warriors, led by the self-proclaimed “MVP”.

Oh, you think I am joking when I called him the MVP? Sadly, not. Curry actually thinks he is. He said so on the Rex Chapman podcast.


“I mean, I gotta be. I gotta be,” Curry said. “I probably won’t get it but whatever.”

Lord have Mercy. What kind of crippling megalomania could convince him to think such a thing?

There’s only two possible explanations as to why Curry said what he said.

  1. He appears to be in a dimly lit room, so maybe he was listening to some Sade and halfway in his third glass of Ayesha Curry’s very own cabernet sauvignon before doing the podcast.

or the more likely option:

2. He has been emboldened by the fabricating fanboys and media (aka The Curry Cavalry) alike to spew this sort of blasphemous rhetoric.

Let me first commend Brother Curry here for the fireworks show that he has given us NBA fans this season. No Klay. No KD. Iggy’s gone. James Wiseman now injured. Still putting up BUCKETS. The two-time MVP is currently leading the league in scoring at 31.4 points per game while averaging a league-best 5.2 three-pointers per game. He’s shooting 43.1% from behind the arc and 92.2% from the charity stripe with 5.9 assists and 5.5 rebounds per contest. To be frustrated by the constraints on his ambitious agenda to make the playoffs, but undaunted in pursuing it is worthy of our collective praise.

But that don’t make you the MVP dog.

The Warriors (29-30) are currently the ninth seed in the Western Conference with 13 games left on their regular season calendar. Their record when Curry plays is 28-23. That’s nothing to brag home about. He leads the team in turnovers (currently tied for his career high) and not even the leading assist man in Golden State. No, that title belongs to Draymond Green.

But I have devised a way to finally award Mr. Curry with a FMVP award instead, an honor that has evaded him for many years.

Fake. Most. Valuable. Player.

Congratulations! Thanks to all of the Sports Center highlights, retweeted videos, and the undeniable national media infatuation with him, it’s becoming increasingly hard to deny Curry of this honor. I will begrudgingly hang the picture of Curry and his trophy, right alongside the pictures of 2015-2017 Karl Anthony Towns, the Sacramento Kings iteration of Demarcus Cousins, 2005 Kobe Bryant, and peak “Linsanity” Jeremy Lin, to name just a few of the other amazing NBA players who had singularly great offensive seasons, but couldn’t translate it to playoff success, or in some cases even playoff berths.

You don’t graduate college by doing half of the work. Yes stats are nice, but if it doesn’t equal team success, then you don’t deserve the highest regular season honor of MVP. Put your predicament into perspective, and compare yourself to the likes of more deserving players like Nikola Jokic, or Joel Embiid. Jokic has been unbelievable this year. He’s played in all the Denver Nuggets games, he’s got a 26/11/9 average with 57/42/86 splits… like… holy crap those numbers are better than some Lebron prime years.

Oh and he’s got the Nuggets firmly planted in playoff contention in the fourth seed, WITHOUT Jamal Murray.

I’m a Curry fan, but also a realist.

Steph, you are too big of a cat to be playing like a kitten. Keep the main thing the main thing, and focus on your team getting to the playoffs.

But the MVP ship has sailed for you.